she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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