Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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