I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
