apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
