when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
