Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize