Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
