my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You smell like stripper and shame
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
