God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
