I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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