sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize