He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
