i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
