You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
