Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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