Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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