If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
