So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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