Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
A bitchslap is in order.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
