we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
