Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
