Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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