i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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