Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
cat food counts as protein by the way
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
