You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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