He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
