Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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