By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
