An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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