I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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