I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
