My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
