just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
