Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
