Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
