i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
