Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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