What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
