rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
