apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
