my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
