OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
