Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
