Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
