You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral