I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.