real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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