dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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