You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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