Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
