Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
