Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
