I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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