the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
