So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
