Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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