The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
