I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
