VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
