Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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