Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
