woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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