and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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