Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
