i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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