You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
